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Hold The Probes!

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shutterstock_92573200-1Can we please have a moratorium on deep space exploration for a minute? A good start would be to unplug those monstrous telescopes that peer into infinity and beyond, trying to determine just how big this damn place is!

It’s BIG…OK.!!!

With each discovery of a new galaxy similar to ours, I shrink further into a celestial suburb of insignificance. I had no previous illusions about being anything more than a grain of sand in the big scheme of things, but come on!

To find out there are a hundred million Milky Ways, some three hundred billion light years away, with suns and moons four hundred trillion times the size of ours, might be TOO MUCH INFORMATION!… (OK.. I might be a billion or two off in my calculations…but you get the idea}

And that’s just the start…

Astronomers are wet to their knees over an experimental probe blasted off years ago into the void that will soon give a glimpse into REALLY deep, dark, dank, gassy places. (Hell, if that’s what they’re looking for…they need to explore no further than our bathroom on Sunday morning where my husband camps out with the sports section.)

Just when I kinda wrap my head around the unfathomable BIG BANG, they go and blow my mind again with another outlandish observation about quasars, dwarf planets, neutron stars, parallel universes…I say ENOUGH ALREADY!

My therapist is trying new ways to improve my self esteem. She feels I’ve sat too long in the backseat of life’s cockpit, and must now embrace the concept that I am truly the center of the universe. Just as my stroked ego warms to the idea, I read another one of those damn astronomy articles…and once again it reduces me to space dust, floating aimlessly in a galactic debris field.

I tell her there are some days it seems as if I’ve fallen head first into a massive black hole right here on earth. It sucks the life out of me while being hurled by the gravitational pull into a vortex of inescapable nothingness.

That’s when she calmly says, “Sometimes this has to happen for a new star to be born.”

Yeah, just what the universe needs…the joyous birth of another manic misguided meteorite.

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26 Comments

  1. Many of the people I know and have known have not been of this planet!!!

    Funny enough I get on well with all of them.

    Only met one astronomer that I am aware of and he was as boring as hell.

    • I’ve never met an astronomer but if I did, I doubt they’d be impressed with the way I toss around planetary numbers. I’m sure there are some “yuck it up” stargazers just as I hope there are hilarious accountants and actuaries. Thanks for stopping by, Robert.

      • Funny enough a chap I know is an accountant, and he has a great sense of humour and is worse with jokes than I am.

        • That lifts my spirits! I once met an actuary who told me he could figure out when I was going to die…right down to the month if I didn’t want to wait for the surprise. I graciously declined. I’m sure that game is a knee slapper at cocktail parties, but when it’s time for my sendoff, I’ll rather be taken unaware than fake my fate.

          Now that I think about it…he was the same guy who told me he loved numbers. As he put it, they don’t ask for anything…they are predictable and honest…and their problems are as big or small as you make them. I told him I’m not a fan of numbers because they are constantly screaming for answers. He moved on after that…happens to me a lot.

      • Actually Robert…I forgot.
        What about Annie Dickens (Lady M) http://www.thedayafteryesterday.co.uk/
        She is one of the funniest people around…with a PhD in Aerospace Engineering. That’s me in the photo strapped onto one of the rockets she designed. (I lie…but I bet she could design one. I’d just love to hear the names she’d come up with for the space shuttles.)

  2. That’s fantastic! I’m up in the middle of the night, but now I’m up and AMUSED in the middle of the night. Galactic debris field. Love it.

    • June, what in the heck are you doing up in the middle of the night. You must have my affliction. Every night around 4 I’m wide awake. Hope you got back to sleep. Glad you were amused with my cosmic rant!

  3. *Celestial suburb of insignificance — brilliant.

  4. What? The Star Trek intro didn’t grab you into the future? I’m totally there. My desktop background is normally a rotating display of galactic photos, although at the moment, I have an out-of-this-world photo Jim Wright (Stonekettle Station) took out his back door in Alaska. I’m a tiny spec, but I’m a part of something really really big. And awesome.

    • That’s a great way to look at this astroid slinging cosmos. I just have to turn my attitude around. Thanks for the reminder! I guess I’ll go watch a Star Trek rerun…

  5. I have a son interested in this whole astronomy/universe thing. His world keeps getting bigger and more immense and I pray for mine to shrink. Exciting for him … scary for me. Great post you supernova ;-)

  6. It’s a real brain mauling, isn’t it? I love being a supernova. I may explode in a any minute. Thanks, Astra!

  7. just think how sparkly and hot you’ll be. all the other new stars will be jealous. just imagine yourself to be the most important speck of space dust or watch lots of star trek and start wearing your tight federation space uniform. perhaps you get a phaser or a tri-corder.

  8. Annie – you are far more than a grain of sand in my eyes – such a great writer!!

  9. Way too funny, Annie. You totally cracked me up. Deep, dark, dank, gassy places — HA!

  10. Whatever there is in outer space seems a lot less interesting that what we have right here. For example, Annie’s sense of humor.

  11. Thank you, Marty! That made my day!

  12. Ah Annie, yet another prawn in the sea of life!
    You really are a seriously funny dude…I think I’m worried about you.
    Cheers, ic

  13. IC, really love “prawn in the sea of life.” Please don’t worry about me. My motto… “You meet the same people on the way up as down…and I’ll be down here waiting for you!” I’m still free falling! Thanks for your nice comment!

  14. I’m kinda disappointed we are only sending unmanned probes here and there. I would’ve liked to have sent Newt Gingrich to the moon.

    Love your work, Annie, just wish I could come here more often.

    Btw, I believe your Twitter account has been hacked, got a spam DM from you.

    • Yeah, I’d pay to see Newt on a shuttle. Actually, I’d pay to see the entire Congress jump onboard and blast off.

      Thanks for letting me know my Twitter account has been hacked. I’ve been trying all day to fix that. I’ve changed my password more than my thongs. So good to see you, Beverly!

  15. Can I just say, the peni…..I mean picture made me blush.

    :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

    ;-)

    Darin

  16. Darin,
    Peni…Are you referring to the comment I left on your 21st century male rant? Ha! First off, love that rant. It is spot on. Thanks for circling back and stopping here.

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