For an avid follower of the Queen of England, Prince Harry, and newlyweds Kate and William, the news of a Royal bun in the oven gave me just the excuse I needed to bump happy hour up a few time zones. The wedding still fresh in my mind, I beamed with thoughts of an heir to the throne knocking Kate’s nude French villa photos off tabloid front pages.
Then came the news of her bout with acute morning sickness…or as I usually refer to it, Hypermesis Gravidarim. God knows I was more than familiar with the term during my three pregnancies. Projectile hurling without warning, and no ladies in waiting to position the Royal bed pan.
They said on the news the symptoms included an elevated level of hormones. The look on Prince William’s face as he was escorted to a limo from her bedside at the hospital said it all. It was reported that he “needed some fresh air.” (Kate must have tore him a regal new one.) Visions of the Exorcist came to mind as I imagined poor Will offering her a cool cloth to the forehead, only to be met with a high-pitched longshoreman’s rant. He remembered his father’s words of wisdom..”When the going gets tough…A Royal goes to the country manor for a match of cricket.”
Then the earth shattering news erupted that this condition is often caused by the possibility of a multiple birth….TWINS!
This absolutely required a second cocktail in honor of potential blue blood siblings. Reports began surfacing of the various permutations, two lads, two lasses, lad and lass, etc. leading to the conclusion that the first to “crown” ….would be at the head of the line to wear it!
I’m not sure what exactly happened to my thought process at this point…all I can say is that I started channeling my inner entrepreneur. I saw it all very clearly. A reality show for the ages. A Pay-Per-View Live ultra-sound event featuring the Royal twins in a knock down drag out ultimate fight to daylight…and the throne!
It would encompass aspects of so many popular shows…Survivor, The Biggest Loser, The Real World, Toddlers and Tiaras, Half Pint Brawlers, The Real Housewives of Buckingham Palace, and of course Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
OK…I confess to slipping in a shot of Quervo between libation numbers one and two, and maybe, just maybe that had something to do with my little carnival barker detour…but tell me you wouldn’t pay to see a full screen HD duel with those little silver spoon dudes in a rugby scrum scramble for the crown jewels!