They take this shit seriously down here…even mailmen don’t deliver. After my 40-year stint in the Northwest I might offer to do a TED talk on survival techniques. Starting with a riveting demonstration on how to open umbrellas, light candles, and change flashlight batteries…ending with one of those Wine-In-A-Box /colostomy bags suspended over my head, the spigot set to full throttle. This device got me through many a damp day in Seattle…and I even got my mail! Win-Win, I say!
The other morning I was trying to take a quick walk before the deluge when a rough-and-tumble guy on roller blades stopped me. “You got cancer, don’t ya?” He said, through a large gap that once housed a handful of teeth. “Yes, I DID,” I said, rather triumphantly. “I noticed you don’t have hair so I just knew!” He seemed so proud of himself. A true detective. “I finished about seven weeks ago. I’m on the other side…so to speak.” He skated alongside for the next two miles, telling me about his hitch in prison. As I turned the corner to my place, and he continued on down the beach, he said, “Stay strong, little buddy. You hang in there…my mom didn’t, but you got this one in the bag.” (So nice to get a Point of Service second opinion.) Needless to say, I’m feeling pretty good about my prognosis.
If the storm continues my husband and I are considering fleeing the beach in a beat up motor home and seeing this fine country. Won’t stop until we run out of gas…at which point my better half will pull out his keyboard and wow the passing motorists as I play percussion, which simply means I’ll bang on anything. I can just see us now…blazing along Route 66… wind gently shredding what remains of the worn naugahyde upholstery, as the sun sets on our newly painted side panel “Will Play For Depends.”
I used to write posts in the nude to free my thoughts. Now I find my bald head provides a sufficient state of undress to relax the mind. It’s hard to take yourself seriously when you look like Uncle Fester. Actually, since taking Biotin and Silica supplements, a new crop circle has emerged on my skull. A sort of skunky salt-and-pepper buzz cut…think Cruella De Vil and Pepe Le Pew’s love child. Not going to lie…it’s a far cry from my tint of choice, but hey…sproutage is sproutage…and you can quote me.
On a more serious note…I would like to offer my help to anyone who has currently been diagnosed with cancer. I’d be happy to offer my support to those in need of some positive encouragement on this journey. Please feel free to get in touch through this blog or my email firstname.lastname@example.org. I certainly had friends come to my aid when I needed them and I want to do the same.